The supreme Goddess of Wholehearted Living, @BreneBrown, has done it again. I was at the TedX Indianapolis event a week ago and they played her famous Ted Talk on Vulnerability. I have seen that video a gazillion times and it never fails to provide me with some nugget of wisdom that spurs reflection and personal insight.

That day, this was the nugget…

See those words at the end…joy, gratitude, happiness, purpose…I had been wondering lately, “where did they go?” I didn’t feel them in my soul. Let me be clear. I knew I had many reasons to be happy and much to be thankful for and joyful for in my life. I’m a smart woman, I know I have people who love me, plenty to eat and a warm place to lay my head and sleep every night. But what concerned me was that I just couldn’t feel them deep down in my soul. Like when I went to look for these things in the depths of my being, to draw from their positive energy, it was like opening a drawer and finding it empty. I was so confused. “How can I know these things are true, know that I have had them there in my soul and now I can’t find them. Hum, where did I put them?”

Well, I had replaced them with despair. I wrote to my dear friend Karen and said, “On Saturday I received a message that hit home…it was centered around the word despair…thats it! I have been overcome by a sense of futility or defeat.” And, because of that, I was not vulnerable or willing to live a whole hearted life. I was numbing the hard feelings of despair and defeat that also meant I had misplaced my joy, gratitude and happiness. (Why is a WHOLE other post on writing the dissertation. Let’s save that for another day.)

It took two very special people in my life to make me feel them again and many dear friends to remind me that I am worthy of love, joy and all the dreams my heart desires.

Then, this morning when I woke up and went searching in my soul, I found it…

Like an old beacon left unattended for a while, it just needs to be dusted off. I can feel hope again, it is in there. I know, because this morning when I opened the drawer looking for joy I found it and it made a sound! The pure happy, giddy, laugh from my belly joy. Now to nourish joy, gratitude and happiness in the days moving forward. I’m so glad to have found you again.

Much gratitude to my friends and family walking with me on this journey. Your gifts of love, encouragement, and belief are more precious than I could ever express.